No matter what we are involved with, there are expectations. If we don’t live up to those expectations, then there are consequences. But how can we tell what the expectations are and if we are living up to them?
　　
　　If you are a child, you have expectations set by your parents, school and friends. If you don’t live up to those expectations, then tension arises. You get in trouble, people get angry, others don’t want to be around you. If it continues, then you get in trouble.
　　
　　If you are in a relationship, you have expectations set by your partner and the type of relationship. If you don’t live up to those, then you argue and fight. Eventually this can lead to larger disagreements and even divorce.
　　
　　If you work at a nine to five, you have expectations to arrive on time, be professional and do your job. If you don’t, your boss and coworkers get mad and this will lead to warnings and perhaps looking for a new job.
　　
　　Each of these situations are basically the same. But what happens in this situation?

You are in a role with responsibilities.
You are not living up to the responsibilities.
Tension and stress builds, people argue and fight.
You are reprimanded for not living up to the expectations.
You change and adapt, beginning to live up to the expectations
Everything returns to normal and tension and stress is relieved.
You do not change. You continue your pattern.
Stress and tension increase. You are dismissed or removed in some way.

　　So where is the breakdown when it comes to expectations? It seems to me that while there are several areas where things breakdown, one of the largest is assuming that people know what the expectations are. There are many times that we don’t review expectations with others. We will touch on them when we get into a fight or when we are reprimanding someone but at that point, we are pushing against what the other person believes the expectations are. The key would be to review with others what is expected of them.
　　
　　The next problem would be if you were aware of what is expected of you yet, you are not living up to those expectations. You may not agree with the expectations, they may be something you wish to change or out of your reach. In this case, it would be wise to review expectations occasionally. Along with reviewing them, take a snapshot to see what the other person believes the expectations to be.
　　
　　Following those suggestions, you can avoid much of the tension, stress and reprimand that follows. If tension begins to build, then use that as a signal to review the expectations and what each other believes those expectations to be. The tension that arises from someone not living up to expectations comes from a difference in beliefs of what the expectations are, communication can solve this.
　　
　　

So how do you deal with the breakdown of communication in regards to what you expect of people?