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How to handle constructive criticism

Rob

　　Many of us are faced with constructive criticism and we aren’t sure how to take it. Truth be told, it is not easy to take, it feels as though people are attacking you. It makes it even harder to accept when you have poured your heart and soul into something and feel that you have done your best only to have it torn apart by someone.
　　
　　So, you take it personal and feel as though it is an attack on you. Understand that this is NOT a personal attack on you. The other person does not hate you. You have to realize that if this is a first attempt then there will be issues. It is a ‘first draft’, it won’t be perfect, no matter how much you have poured into it. You have to improve it and make a ‘second draft’
　　
　　Realize that if they are pointing out what seems to be inconsequential things, that is because the basics are covered and they are not seeing mistakes in that area. Yes, this may seem like they are nitpicking. They nitpick because they like it and want to help improve it not because its bad. They see they value in what you have done but can also see the weak spots which if corrected, would put you over the edge, this is what they point out.
　　
　　Change your view. Separate yourself from your project, you are not the only one involved and you are not creating this solely for yourself, if you were, you wouldn’t have shown it to anyone seeking their feedback. Quit looking at such a narrow viewpoint. Try to see what the other person is seeing and how they are looking at things. This can help you to view it differently, Use it to see the big picture.

　　Once you begin to look at your project from a different viewpoint, it will improve very quickly and become much better than it was before. You will look back and wonder how you could’ve of put such crap as you did on your first attempt.
　　
　　

So how do you handle constructive criticism?

Expectations

Rob

　　No matter what we are involved with, there are expectations. If we don’t live up to those expectations, then there are consequences. But how can we tell what the expectations are and if we are living up to them?
　　
　　If you are a child, you have expectations set by your parents, school and friends. If you don’t live up to those expectations, then tension arises. You get in trouble, people get angry, others don’t want to be around you. If it continues, then you get in trouble.
　　
　　If you are in a relationship, you have expectations set by your partner and the type of relationship. If you don’t live up to those, then you argue and fight. Eventually this can lead to larger disagreements and even divorce.
　　
　　If you work at a nine to five, you have expectations to arrive on time, be professional and do your job. If you don’t, your boss and coworkers get mad and this will lead to warnings and perhaps looking for a new job.
　　
　　Each of these situations are basically the same. But what happens in this situation?

    You are in a role with responsibilities.
    You are not living up to the responsibilities.
    Tension and stress builds, people argue and fight.
    You are reprimanded for not living up to the expectations.
    You change and adapt, beginning to live up to the expectations
    Everything returns to normal and tension and stress is relieved.
    You do not change. You continue your pattern.
    Stress and tension increase. You are dismissed or removed in some way.

　　So where is the breakdown when it comes to expectations? It seems to me that while there are several areas where things breakdown, one of the largest is assuming that people know what the expectations are. There are many times that we don’t review expectations with others. We will touch on them when we get into a fight or when we are reprimanding someone but at that point, we are pushing against what the other person believes the expectations are. The key would be to review with others what is expected of them.
　　
　　The next problem would be if you were aware of what is expected of you yet, you are not living up to those expectations. You may not agree with the expectations, they may be something you wish to change or out of your reach. In this case, it would be wise to review expectations occasionally. Along with reviewing them, take a snapshot to see what the other person believes the expectations to be.
　　
　　Following those suggestions, you can avoid much of the tension, stress and reprimand that follows. If tension begins to build, then use that as a signal to review the expectations and what each other believes those expectations to be. The tension that arises from someone not living up to expectations comes from a difference in beliefs of what the expectations are, communication can solve this.
　　
　　

So how do you deal with the breakdown of communication in regards to what you expect of people?